


dark red

by them0th



Category: Half-Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, They/Them Pronouns for Benrey (Half-Life), Vaping, lil bit of fluff. as a treat, self indulgent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:29:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26827387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/them0th/pseuds/them0th
Summary: something bad is 'bout to happen to mei don't know it but i feel it comin'might be so sad, might leave my nose runningi just hope he don't wanna leave me
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman
Comments: 3
Kudos: 90





	dark red

**Author's Note:**

> kinda wrote this to cope? i have nicotine addiction and trauma and i projected it onto benrey sorry
> 
> anyways cw for vaping and talk abt past violence/torture, all talk about benrey's past is pretty subtle but still be careful if you need to.
> 
> title and desc are from the song "dark red" by steve lacy

It had come as a bit of surprise to Gordon when he found out Benrey vaped and smoked weed. He noticed they mainly stuck to vaping, but some late nights when they weren't in bed he found them sitting in the middle of the living room with a joint, high out of their mind.  
  
Gordon had considered getting a medical card for weed, especially after all the trauma he'd experienced in his life and in Black Mesa, but never really found himself getting around to it. And besides, Benrey had their own, so if he wanted he could smoke with them. He had no idea how they got into possession of it, but he didn't really care, either.  
  
This wasn't a weed night, though. It was definitely a hard night for Benrey however, since they were pretty buzzed while playing video games on their Playstation. Gordon was sitting next to them, mostly watching them play the game but taking notice of how many hits Benrey was taking.  
  
"You're gonne burn that, Ben," he spoke up, glancing over at them. They side-eyed him, but their focus quickly went back to the game.  
  
"nah, still got uh, maybee... 500 more hits in this," They responded nonchalantly.  
  
Gordon let out a heavy sigh. "Yeah, but you're hitting it too much."  
  
Benrey took a few moments to process what he said. "...i am?"  
  
"Yeah?" Gordon tilted his head. Benrey was usually very aware of how many hits they were taking since he knew they hated the taste of a burnt vape.  
  
"....huh." Benrey blinked, then took another long hit.  
  
"Are you... are you ok? Like, do you need to talk? It's been a whi-" Gordon was cut short by Benrey's voice.  
  
"nah. got that, uh, epic gamer mindset right now," they kept their voice down but their tone was sharp, and Gordon could tell he was getting into a sensitive area.  
  
"You sure? You know it's ok to talk with me. I'm not gonna, I dunno, shut you down or whatever. I'm here to listen."  
  
Benrey tensed up, and their fingers shook a little as they paused their game. Their grip tightened and loosened on their controller, and they were pressing down on the triggers roughly.  
  
"'s just, idk. thoughts big."  
  
"Is it hard to process your thoughts right now?"  
  
Benrey nodded slowly, taking another hit from their vape. They exhaled slowly and leaned their head back against the couch.  
  
"Can you draw them out for me? Maybe I can help a little if I can try to see what you're thinking."  
  
Benrey considered for a few moments, then nodded again. Gordon quickly stood and grabbed some markers and sketchbook from the kitchen- he always had them at the ready in case for moments like this. He sat back down and handed them to Benrey, who took them and fidgeted with a marker for a little bit before setting it to the paper.  
  
They drew a variety of shapes and colours, pressing their marker so hard to the paper it was probably going to bleed through. The shapes were all very pointy and most of the colours were so vibrant it almost hurt Gordon's eyes, but there were a few darker tones mixed in there.  
  
He watched as Benrey combined the shapes to create something that he wasn't quite sure of. It was something, a being for sure, but bared little resemblance to a human.  
  
It was scary, yet Gordon didn't find himself that scared. He watched Benrey complete the drawing with curiosity. Two of the creatures arms were up, their sharp fingers clawing at something on their throat. It was hard to make out what- maybe some sort of collar?  
  
When Benrey was finished, they set down their markers and handed the sketchbook to Gordon, then immediately after took a long hit.  
  
Gordon took a couple minutes to observe the drawing. He tentatively spoke up, "is this you?"  
  
"might be," Benrey responded in a small voice, dark red sweet voice slipping past their lips. They quickly wiped it away.  
  
Gordon's lips tugged into a frown and he furrowed his eyebrows, staring down at the drawing. Benrey seemed to be in so much pain in the drawing, and Gordon knew next to nothing about their past since it was an extremely sensitive subject for them.  
  
"Ben, I want you to know that nothing like this," he gestured to the drawing, "is ever going to happen to you again. You're safe here. _Nothing_ can hurt you."  
  
Benrey shifted, taking a quick hit and drumming their fingers on their thigh. They looked like they didn't believe him, so he continued.  
  
"And I promise you that. Whatever happened, whoever hurt you, they can't do that anymore. And if anyone tries to hurt you, I'll fuck them up."  
  
"'s just- what if they come back, gordie? nd wh- what if they hurt you. what if they- they could kill you and it would be all my fault."  
  
"Benny. They're not coming back." Gordon wasn't even sure who Benrey was referring to, but he assumed it was the people who put them in the situation in the drawing.  
  
"you don't _know_ that gordon!" Benrey snapped at him, and he slowly reached out his hand, gently grabbing their hand in his. They stared at Gordon like a doe in headlights, and he sighed.  
  
"Maybe I don't know. But Ben, I don't think they even know where we live. Do you- how long has it even been since you've seen them?"  
  
"i dont- long time. couple uh, couple of years maybe. n i- but there's still-" Their voice was beginning to shake, and their eyes were darting around the room as if they were expecting someone to come out of nowhere and grab them, take them away. It was as if they were waiting- no, _expecting_ all hell to break loose.  
  
Gordon squeezed Benrey's hand gently. "You don't need to talk about it if you're not comfortable yet. I'd love to listen but I'm not gonna pressure you into it."  
  
Benrey stared at him, then slowly nodded, releasing a tense breath. Gordon flashed them a small smile.  
  
"How about we go to bed now? You don't have to sleep, obviously, but I'm getting tired," Gordon offered.  
  
"sounds- uh. yeah, cool."  
  
"Cool," Gordon echoed, then stood up, still hand in hand with Benrey. They grabbed their vape with their free hand, and the two headed off to their bedroom.  
  
They were making progress. Gordon got a little insight into Benrey's past, and they didn't have a complete meltdown about the subject. So as they laid in bed, Gordon spooning Benrey, he mumbled while half asleep,  
  
"'M proud of you, Benny.."  
  
With that, he fell asleep watching the pink and blue orbs drift out of Benrey's mouth.  
  



End file.
